Reviews


The Magnetic Monster (Limited Edition Collection)

Bring on the A-MEN!

So far in our In The Balcony early-50s sci-fi marathon, we've seen films that are barely sci-fi, films that intend, accurately or not, to be a realistic depiction of science and wonder as it believed at that time, films about monsters from outer space (my favorite), and now we see a film that simply trots out gibberish and presents it as science-fiction. This latter type creates 'horror' and 'suspense' by having two scientists stare at a gauge and make some terrible pronouncement of impending doom. My son calls this the 'Shields are down to 17%, Captain!' effect. Which brings us to this 1953 directed by Curt Siodmak. Meet the Office of Scientific Investigation; they'll be back in more movies, I'm told. If the gov'ment has G-Men and T-Men, well, they also have A-Men (for 'Atom Men'); when I heard 'A-Men' my first thought was 'Thank Goodness, let's eat!' but no, I was confused. Byron Foulger's hardware store (which sells mainly clocks and laundry irons) has become magnetized, much to the horror of assistant hardware clerk Billy Benedict, who keeps running around the store as if he's looking for a corner to pee in. A-Men to the rescue in the person of Richard Carlson and King Donovan, both of whom would go on to way, way better sci-fi movies, although I appreciate that Mr. Donovan wears glasses and smokes a pipe so that we know he's a scientist. After several minutes of ridiculous scientific investigation involving a Geiger counter, a box of paperclips, and a fishing rod, our scientific whizzes discover that an ex-colleague has invented a scientific isotope that poisons people, gets bigger and more powerful, and pulls metal lawnmowers from one side of the store to the other. With the help of cyclotron stock footage from a 1930s German movie, they'll eventually save the planet. A stupid, juvenile film (from producer Ivan Tors, so I knew it would be, going in) in which the Office of Scientific Investigation's top A-Man explains the danger of the giant destructive isotope to Pentagon officials by spinning a child's top on the desk and saying, 'Now, this represents the earth's orbit...' Million-dollar Dialog: In nuclear research, there's no place for lone wolves!' The film's highlight is when it's discovered that the dying lone wolf nuclear physicist is trying to fly cross country with his deadly cargo; alerted by aerophone, the pilot tells the people in the plane not to panic, nothing's wrong and everything's fine. He than adds off-handedly that they'll be making an emergency landing in the mountains and oh, you, the blind man over there, I need your cane to drag this other guy's briefcase to the back of the plane because it could well explode any second. (Watch in particular for the blind man, who gives one of the most memorable performances in the history of movies.) Jean Byron plays Mrs. Carlson; we know and love her as Patty's mom on The Patty Duke Show. Funny, William Schallert (Patty's dad) is in a thousand sci-fi films, but he's missin' from this one. A stinker, but a lot of a laughs